I had a lot to say today, I find myself writing blogs in my head as I walk through Kroger's. Because of Wallflower I've been doing a lot of thinking about myself, and I've come to accept that I over-compensate a lot in all of my online communications. I was always aware of it. Especially when it comes to vocabulary, I think I use large works to either gain attention, to make myself memorable, or to make myself appear smarter than I am.
I don't think the issue is that I use large words, there's nothing at all wrong with that, it's that I do it obnoxiously. I do it in the manner of a snide English major. I've been listening to Joanna Newsom's The Milk-Eyed Mender and it's becoming one of my favorite albums. I wish I could word things like she does. She uses large works in an organic, wholesome way that actually makes me interested in having a better understanding of the language, not in a way that makes me feel inferior. I'm not sure what the opposite of pretentious is, but that's how I'd describe her lyrics. Even in the new The Decemberists album, there are a few places where it feels like he was using a word just for the sake of using it. Though it definitely has many theatrical benefits to it. I'm in no way condemning the album for it, I actually like that he does that, it just makes it feel as if it were intentionally a bit above you, the average listener.
Wallflower has put me in a very at-ease sort of mood. I was very mellow and observant while reading it. I sort of got riled up because dad had been drinking and was in a very argumentative mood, going out of his way to make arguments with my mom. My mom stated that she didn't get any bathroom supplies for her office, but it was okay because she was the only one to really use her bathroom, so my dad started disagreeing saying "if that were the case then the amount of toilet paper it goes through would be much less than it is" but in a very belligerent drunken way and he said "if that were- if that were- if that were-" repeatedly. Even after my mom corrected her statement he kept going, then my mom conceded that her office-mate might also be using the supplies in her restroom, so he started asking questions like "how likely would you say that is?" mom: "I dunno, not very" dad: "how likely?....pick a number from 1 - 100 how often does she use the restroom in your office" so my mom said "about a 40" dad: "So it's very likely then *rants*" mom: No, it's not very likely. so then they started arguing about percentages, and I calmly said "Guy, just calm down, why are you arguing about this? why does it matter how often and where she goes to the bathroom" and so my dad was quiet for a bit, then he started making mean comments like "you don't even know what 40 means" to my mom. Mom and I ignored it. Then I heard a faint noise in the background, it was the radio, so my mom turned it up and we started talking about Al Greene, and my dad kept muttering things like "rubbish" and "can't even sing". Just going out of his way to create negative tension. Which is really sad, because he was being awesome and agreeable and helpful earlier today. This is where my hatred of mind-altering substances comes from, especially alcohol, I don't mind psychedelics as much because they they do more interesting things, alcohol just breeds stupidity and belligerence.
I found my Bjork bag today, I'm happy about that.
Wallflower as quelled my sense of rebellion, I'm really happy right now.
I uploaded the video of Chris and Will's puppet show.
I'll also add a picture of the puppetry showcase.
(I think the compression that it did when uploading diminished the impact of the picture, I'm not sure if it's apparent, but we are all sincerely incredibly happy, those were an amazing two-weeks, also the puppets all look very cool though that's not visible either.)
I'm not entirely sure why I do this, I'm pretty sure Canada is the only person that reads this blog, but this rounds out my day, it's therapeutic in a way.
I think I just answered my own question.
This followed no order so I'm sure it's painful to read, but I don't want to proof-read it because I'm sure I'll end up censoring myself, I've had a really nice flow going as I wrote this, I've been typing and reflecting for nearly 30 minutes.
Also I wore shorts for the first time in ages today, that was uncomfortable.
I stayed in all weekend, and it was actually sort of nice. I got terribly frustrated with math, but I started reading again. I think I'll try to read 10 pages of a (non-school required) book every day. I want to be a reader, I want to write (though I do not want to be a writer. I don't know what I want to write, I like fiction, and reviews, and articles, and screen plays, and music, and poems. I love them all, I don't do any of them though, probably because I do not read enough.
Currently enjoying Al Greene, I want more of his stuff.
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